Alright first of all, I'm thinking about joining a band (the members are friends of mine and they need a singer) as a singer and maybe later on a guitarist. For as far as I know, this band only does covers of other songs but I'm pretty sure they're willing to make their own songs too.

So, beforehand, I decided to write some lyrics about something that's related to recent events in my life (which are actually still going on now).

I drew inspiration from Disturbed and Godsmack and the song is called Stalker (for now).

Anyway, here's the lyrics, please rate them:

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Tell me what you want
or just leave me alone
It's nothing but a taunt
your destruction I will hone

I don't know what to believe
I don't know who I can trust
What are you trying to achieve
deception seems to be a must

[chorus]
You're nothing but a stalker
why would you do this thing?
Are you some kind of monster
just give up I won't start running!

I've got no idea who you are
I don't even know your face
Do you wish to start a war?
just show up and I will embrace!

[chorus]
You're nothing but a stalker
why would you do this thing?
Are you some kind of monster
just give up I won't start running!

just give up it's not worth trying!
just give up I'm not running!
the day you fall I will be laughing!

Do you wish,
to frighten me?
You're just a bitch
there's something that you'll never see!

I'm not afraid
of your pathetic games
It's time you prayed
before you burn in flames

[chorus]
You're nothing but a stalker
why would you do this thing?
Are you some kind of monster
just give up I won't start running!

You're nothing but a stalker
just give up I won't stop breathing!
Are you some kind of monster?
just give up I won't be running
Who are you, you mother fucker?
when you fall I will be laughing!

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Perhaps this thread can be turned into a lyrics rating thread for other people's lyrics, I'm certainly willing to rate yours.

Pretty nice in my opinion.

I think I'd give it like 7.5/10.

Awesome, anything specific you think should be changed or added(or removed)?

Just more to it. Like another verse or two, more specifically in the middle of the song, where there's one verse and then the chorus repeats.

Alright, I'll try to think of something.

Don't just change it because of me though. If you like it as it is, and thinks it gets the point across, then leave it, alright buddy?

Ravage_Gokan wrote:

Don't just change it because of me though. If you like it as it is, and thinks it gets the point across, then leave it, alright buddy?

I agree. The most important thing is that you and the band liked it, then you'll pass that felling to the public. I have a band too and we'd be very happy just if somebody make some lyrics, don't matter if it's bad or not. Composition is a very hard work.

It's nine o' clock on a Saturday the regular crowd shuffles in
There's
an old man sitting next to me
Makin' love to his tonic and gin.
He
says, "Son can you play me a memory?
I'm not really sure how it
goes,
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I
wore a younger man's clothes"

La la la de de da La la de de da da
da
Sing us a song you're the piano man,
Sing us a song tonight.
Well,
we're all in the mood for a melody.
And you've got us feelin'
alright.

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my
drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke
Or to light up a smoke
but there's someplace that he'd rather be.
He says "Bill, I believe
this is killing me,"
As a smile ran away from his face.
"Well I'm
sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place."

La
la la de de da La la de de da da da

Now Paul is a real-estate
novelist,
Who never had time for a wife.
And he’s talking with
Davy
Who's still in the navy and probably will be for life.
And
the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get
stoned
Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's
better than drinking alone.

Sing us a song, you're the piano man,
Sing
us a song tonight.
Well we're all in the mood for a melody.
And
you've got us feelin' alright.

It's a pretty good crowd for a
Saturday, and the manager gives me a smile.
'Cause he knows that it's
me they've been coming to see.
To forget about life for a while.
And
the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a
beer.
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say "Man
what are you doin' here?"

La la la de de da La la de de da da da
Sing
us a song you're the piano man,
Sing us a song tonight.
Well,
we're all in the mood for a melody.
And you've got us feelin'
alright.

Billy Joel For the Win Ish. I love you even more.

Here is another just soothing classic.

Day after day, I'm more confused
Yet I look for the light through the pourin' rain
You know that's a game that I hate to loose
And I'm feelin' the strain
Ain't it a shame

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away

Beginnin' to think that I'm wastin' time
I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
Now I'm countin' on you
To carry me through

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Yea, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away

And when my mind is free
You know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitar's comin' through
To soothe me

Thanks for the joy that you've given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
And rhythm and rhyme and harmony
You help me along
Makin' me strong

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away

Oh-ho, ah-no
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away

Hey, hey, hey, yeah
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away

Na, Na, now won't ya
Won't ya take me
Oh-ha, take me